hihi

hmnn. nothing much to tell u guys about my life. i just wanna say i miss my old life ;(

I turn to you,

When I'm lost in the rain, 
In your eyes I know I'll find the light 
to light my way. 
And when I'm scared and losing ground; 
When my world is going crazy, 
You can turn it all around.

And when I'm down 
you're there; pushing me to the top. 
You're always there; 
giving me all you've got.

 
For a shield from the storm; 
For a friend; for a love 
To keep me safe and warm, 
I turn to you. 
For the strength to be strong; 
For the will to carry on; 
For everything you do; 
For everything that's true, 
I turn to you.

When I lose the will to win, 
I just reach for you 
and I can reach the sky again. 
I can do anything, 
'Cause your love is so amazing; 
'cause your love inspires me.

Yes it does.

And when I need a friend, 
you're always on my side; 
Giving me faith that gets me through the night.

For the arms to be my shelter 
through all the rain; 
For truth that will never change; 
For someone to lean on; 
for a heart I can rely on 
through anything; (you can rely on me) 
For that one who I can run to.... 
I turn to you.

when friendship turns to LOVE.

I didn't want to depart my home town, which I've been settling ever since the day I was born. Neither do I want to leave my school, relatives, and most importantly my best friend Samuel.

Sam and I had been best friends since elementary school. I still recall the day when we first met; it was the first day of grade 1 and we were in the same class. Unintentionally I collided with his head trying to reach for my pencil that had been knocked out on the floor. Fortunately I didn’t know that he was trying to reach for it too. From that time on we got close, share lunch, talk and became best friends. We’d hang around together as often as I’d hang around with my family. He’s like my brother; a brother who I could lean to when I have problems, a brother who’s always there for me when I’m in trouble, a brother who loved me for me… at least as a sister. What he didn’t know is that I am deeply in love with him ever since the day we first met; which saddens me the most, assuming that he only thinks of me as his sister.

In sixth grade, in spite of this, things changed. We had been together for 5 implausible years, but this year is diverse. I was moving. Moving far away from him, it’s like a new world I’m getting myself into. My deep profoundness love for him is still there and I don’t want to leave him. We agreed to call each other at least twice a week, send letters and emails if we have time, and stay in touch with each other. Except that, it wouldn’t be the same, it wouldn’t be like old times, we wouldn’t see each other except in pictures, we couldn’t do anything together now. We couldn’t be there for each other, all the time anymore. Furthermore we are two continents away from each other. And I wanted to confess. Tomorrow, I decided.

The day of the departure came but he was nowhere in sight. I tried calling his cell but no one was answering it. I was so worried and sad that he forgot about my departure. I left the country heartbroken and thinking that maybe he had a good excuse why he didn’t go.

One year had passed and still no sign of him. I tried calling his home every once in a while but his mother would always say, “Oh he’s not here, but I’ll tell him you called!” and I would be so depressed. Sometimes I just think that he’s been avoiding my calls. But why I wondered

I was going off to grade 9. I hadn’t been getting any emails or letters from him; or hadn’t been getting any at all. I tried to tell myself that, “Its okay Katherine, he’s just busy that’s all.” However I had my doubts. What if he’s not busy at all? What if he forgot about me? What if he got a girlfriend and been too busy to talk or even stay in touch with me? A lot of what ifs’ are on my head. I tried emailing him and writing letters but there was no reply. What if all my what ifs’ came true? Then maybe I should be pleased, pleased for the reason that he’s happy. On the contrary why didn’t he tell me?

2 years had passed and still no sign of his letters or emails or phone calls. I tried to get over him. I really tried but I can’t. I just couldn’t forget the fact that I love him.

One week later, I received a letter from his home address, accusing it was him I ripped it open. I was so anxious to read his letter that I skipped a couple of parts, that I thought wasn’t that important. Unfortunately, it is important. It says that he’s sick and is in a coma. I was so shocked to see this that I ran inside to tell my parents to get me a ticket back to see him. Luckily they approved and booked me the latest flight.

I preceded to the hospital his in. I was so worried to see him, concerned that he’s undergoing from a poor health. When I got in his room my heart raised and kept thumping on my chest. I noticed him lying there with bandages all over his body. I felt sorry for him. All this time I was blaming him of overlooking me while his being diagnosed. I had a talk with his mom and she told me what had happened to him. She assumed that he was crossing the street while he was writing in a book and a truck had hit him. That book was sadly addressed to me, it has no title its cover is blank. I opened it and started reading the first page.

September 17, 200*

“This is the day I left.” I thought.

Katherine left today. I’m so upset to see her leave. That’s why I didn’t go to the airport at all. But I tried to go realizing that I had to confess my love for her before she leaves but I was too late. I’m going to miss her so bad. All the good times we had will never be forgotten. I wish I could come with her. I love her so very much.

My tears started falling. I admired him. I was in awe. He made a diary for me starting with the day I left. And what mostly saddened me is the fact that he loved me too. I scanned through pages and read the last page he had written on.

March 26, 200*

I can’t wait for Kath to see what I had done for her. I hope she’ll like it. I just miss her so bad. I wish she was here right now in my arms holding me tight and wishing she wouldn’t be away anymo ---

And it was cut right there. I couldn’t imagine the scene how it happened. I saw a glimpse of him again and a tear fell on my cheeks. I hold his hand so tight. That time I had wished that I hadn’t left and be with him throughout this tough time. There was this throb in my chest. I scanned again and all the other pages are blank. A letter dropped when I was about to close it.

Dear Kath,

If you are done reading my diary I want you to fill out the other half of this book. I miss you so bad, Kath. I’m sorry if I keep missing your calls I was just too busy with work. Yeah, Kath I’m working now so I could surprise you and go there and maybe finish my school there. I can’t wait to see you soon. I’m also sorry that it took me 2 years to get this to you its just that I didn’t know your address there and I had to look for your relatives to tell me your address, and about the email thing I tried to email you back but our computer is really messed up; I ought to get the fix sometime so I could email you. I’m really sorry if you thought that I don’t care about you, I do. I really do. I love you since the first day we met it’s just that I was too scared to confess because it might ruin our friendship and that I think that you only think of me as a brother. I love you Kath, I love you with all my heart and I’m sacrificing everything just to be with you.

With Love,
Sam

By the time I was done reading his letter. I heard a beep it was coming from him. I was stunned. I dropped the book and ran towards him and started calling the nurse.

“Stay with me please, stay with me… don’t leave me please. I can’t let you leave me. Please. I. Love. You.” I cried as the tears fell. I was shaking. I didn’t want him to die. I didn’t want him to leave me. I want him to be here by my side comforting me, and telling me that it was all a joke. But it’s not a joke. It’s reality. He’s dead and here I am living my life through pages in the diary. I filled the rest of the book. I even started a new book since it couldn’t hold all my memories and thoughts of him. And I will always remember him. How he had been a good friend. How he helped me through bad times. How he loved me so much that I didn’t want to let go. I will not forget him. He had been the best inspiration of my life. He is the best of friend anyone could ever have. I will not forget him. I love him.

“C’mon Kath, were going to be late for school!” Mark shouted through our front door. Mark had been my friend since the day I first came to his school. He had been a good friend, almost as good as Sam. He kind of reminds me of Sam. Sometimes when I'm with Mark, I kind of think that Sam sent him to guide me and to be with me just like he did for me when he was alive.oming!” I shouted back. This is a fresh new start and a beginning of an ideal friendship. Or so I thought.

love!

IT'S 7TH GRADE..

I stared at the girl next to me... She was my so called "best friend"... I stared at her... Long, silky hair... And I wished she was mine... But she didn't notice me like that... I knew it... After class she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before... And I handed them to her... She said "thanks"... And gave me a kiss on the cheek... I wanted to tell her... I want her to know that I don't want to be "just friends"... I love her but I'm too shy to tell her... And I don't know why...

IT'S JUNIOR YEAR..

My phone rang... On the other end it was her... She was in tears... Mumbling on and on about how her love had broken her heart... She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone... So I did... As I sat next to her on the sofa... I stared at her soft eyes... Wishing she was mine... After 2 hours... I Drew Barrymore movie... And 3 bags of chips... She decided to go to sleep... She looked at me.. Said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek... I wanted to tell her... I want her to know... That I don't want to be "just friends"... I love her but I'm too shy to tell her... And I don't know why...

IT'S SENIOR YEAR..

The day before prom... She walked to my locker... "My date is sick" she said... He's not going to go... Well... I didn't have a date and in 7th grade... We made a promise that if neiter of us had dates... We'd go together just as "best friends"... And so we did...

IT'S PROM NIGHT..

After everything was over with... I was standing at her front door step... I stared at her ... She smiled at me... I wanted her to be mine... But she doesn't think of me like that... And I know it... Then she said "I had the best time... Thanks!"... And she gave me a kiss on the cheek... I wanted to tell her... I wanted her to know that I don't want to be "just friends"... I love her but I'm just too shy... And I don't know why...

IT'S GRADUATION DAY..

A day passed... And then a week... And then a month... Before I could blink... It was graduation day... I watched her... Perfect body... Floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma... I wanted her to be mine... But she doesn't think of me that way... And I know it... Before everyone went home... She came to me in her smock and hat... And cried as I hugged her... Then she lifted her head from my shoulders and said "you're my best friend"... "Thanks!"... And gave me a kiss on the cheek... I wanted to tell her.. I wanted to know that I wanted to be more than "just friends"... I love her but I'm too shy... And I don't know why...

IT'S A FEW YEARS LATER..

Now I sit in the pews of the church... A church that she is getting married in now... I watched her say "I do" an drive off to her new life... Married to another man... I wanted her to be mine... But she didn't see me like that... And I knew it... But before she drove away... She came to me and said "You came!... Thanks!"... And she kissed me on the cheek... I wanted to tell her... I wantd her to know that I didn't want to be "just friends"... I love her but I'm just too shy... And I don't know why...

YEARS PASSED..

I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend"... At the service they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years... This is what it said... "I stare at him... Wishing he was mine... But he doesn't notice me like that... And I know it... I wanted to tell him... I wanted him to know... That I don't want to be "just friends"... I love him but I'm just too shy... And I don't know why... I wish he would tell me he loved me"... I wish I did too... I thought to myself and I cried...

merentas desa

korg penat, aku x penat. haha. pdn mke. aku lah perempuan melayu terakhir, oh yeahh! haha. mse jln, makan2 dlu, tgu dak2 ni ano dlu, mak aihh bpk lembab. aku golek2 jp kt petronasm ustaz halim dtg halau2. haha. ciput n da geng mkn megi la bagai. jam je aku haha.

die ensem

haaaaaaaa die sgt ensem teruje aku from last year whooo hahahabahahha weee

hoo

korg jgn aaa abg tu ensem sgt tuu ahahaha sukesuke abg ensem hahaa

once upon a time

tomorrow is MERENTAS DESA DAY. OMG. hahahahaa. my legs are not okay. so how im going to survive? im gonna die die die die die hahaha (physco gile). om god pls help me. b4 i die, i want abg hafiz(captain abdul malik) to go to da prom with me hahahahhahaa :)) he's soo handsome. i voted fr u abg! haha. wee woo. my mum allowed me to go to da prom after pmr whoot whoot weee excited gile nk pmr haahaa

midbeli haha :D

bgnbgn pkul 7 and ajk tira pegi jog but she refused. nk tgk katun pny psl. sambung tido, bgn pkul 11 siap pegi midvalley. hahaha. otw tuu bace bku panas salju hahaha. mama tgu kt gloria jeans. igt nk crik kasut kje makngah, g crocs, hush puppies sume xde size. kaki mak kecik sgt! haha. okayokay. went to empro to shape my eyebrow. haha. bak kate hisan, Aishah K :) haha. kau ejek aku pun bukan aku kesahh. haha.


balik pkul 1, babi nye cine mabok =.= hahahahaha. balikbalik terus on kejap then tidur (: haha

wish you were here<3

miss you

to a friend, i miss you. you coloured my life twice. in f1 & f2 and i really appreciate it. thanks fr always being there fr me. i know, ur busy with your bestfriends but its okay. hope u enjoy your life and get 8A's :)

a story

once upon a time, there was a cute girl named *****. she lives with humans in the city. she loves her boyfriend. her boyfriend was a toyol. hahahahahahahahahahhahahhahahhaha. toyol=green hahahahhahahhhahahhaa

aku tension ni

TENSION MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH

booo

weh pehal ko bodoh naa? aku online kau tak online. babibetul. penat aku on.aku bukan suko naa nk on ni. aku tgu ko on je. awat ke bodoh na ko tuh haha

hoi hoi

these are im gonna do when i get 8A's (teruje bai)

1. melompat2 cm orang gilaa

2. guling2 kt tapak perhimpunan?
3.derma duit PMR tu kt GAZA. not all but some haha

4. i dun know. what say you? haha

new class :D

3izzuddin? or u may call it a nerd class. everyone seems to be quiet and i am all alone. i think teacher put me in the wrong class bcz im a talkative student n i always make noise in class. damn! hahaaha. but i still have friends, tashya,shahran and shira. tq :D tashya, u coloured my life when u talk wif me in d class! hahahaha. somehow, im in a good class.

1. Melewar
2. Abu Bakar (GTH arr. korg dak french haha)
3. Muzzafar
4. Izzuddin
5. Alauddin
6. Iskandar

Iskandar is the most noisest class ever. too much of jembalang there, i mean the boys. haha.

p/s: ade budak cute in my class. :P

2008

January;
masuk kls 2Mel? gaga. deskmate dgn syiqah. nasy && narissa sat behind us.
1st day je syiqa da tertidur mse class ckgu roslan

February;
merajuk dgn pkcu? hahahhaa. the bimbonies started the war ;p
perjanjian 2 Melewar.

March;
cuti kejapp kan? haha. pergi camping. somebody ran away from home! haha

April;
ckgu pisang, ily n imy. bile ckgu nk dtg blk?
love month? mampos la kau! curse on you! haha.

May;
bimbonies, nasyrah created a nice name fr u.

June;
cuti. start rpt dgn fel rsenye :)

July;
ape aku buat july?

August;
my birthday

September;
perang je tiap2 hari. penat btul. haha

October;
pang! pang! ggaga. 2 times huh? keco gile ;p
pdn mke kau. aku plak asyik kne kaunseling. babi kau
curse on u!

november;
byebye school

december;
pindah sekola, mohon balek sekola.
keje gile lg. gaga :)

wishlist 09 aggagaga

-cut my hair
-khatam sume buku PMR
-kumpul duit
-kuruskan badan (smpai 47kg)
-single smpai abes ekola? haha
-get 8A's (money is waiting fr me)
-taknak bergaul dgn org? haha
-kwn dgn budak pandai/baik je? hahahahaha
-hangout dgn dalilah,tashya,nina selalu :P
-xnk jd physco, gila :P
-jd pendiam
-online sebulan sekali

tu je kot. bye :)